Everything, All At Once, Overwhelm
Holding Boundaries When Everyone Is Talking and needing you… at the same time!!
How to stay connected when your nervous system is maxed out
If you have more than one child, you already know this moment.
You’re making dinner. One child is telling you a story that started somewhere yesterday. Another is asking for help with something urgent. Someone is touching you. Someone is whining. Someone is crying. The dog needs to go out. Your phone is buzzing.
And suddenly it feels like your brain short-circuits.
You’re not failing in this moment. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do under pressure.
What’s actually happening in your brain
When multiple children are talking at you at the same time, your brain isn’t thinking, “How do I parent wisely here?”
It’s thinking, “This is too much.”
Your nervous system reads competing demands + noise + time pressure as a threat. Not a danger like a bear in the woods—but a threat to regulation, control, and capacity.
When that happens:
Your thinking brain goes offline
Your patience shrinks
Your tone sharpens
Your urge to yell, snap, or shut down gets louder
This isn’t because you lack skills. It’s because no nervous system is meant to process multiple emotional demands at once without support.
Boundaries aren’t about control in these moments.
They’re about protecting safety—yours and your children’s.
Why boundaries matter more when things feel chaotic
Children need connection to feel safe.
Parents need regulation to offer connection.
Without boundaries, everyone’s nervous system escalates. With boundaries, the system slows down enough for safety to return.
A boundary says:
“I care about you and I need structure to stay present.”
That’s not rejection. That’s leadership.
Real-life situations (and what to actually say)
1. Everyone is talking at you at once
Your body feels tight. Your jaw clenches. You want to shout, “STOP TALKING.”
Instead, try: “My brain can’t take in three voices at once. I want to hear you, so we’re going to do this one at a time.”
Then add structure by telling direct instructions of what you want them to do and how:
We are each going to hold up our hands
Make eye contact
Name the order of how you will meet each need
“I’m listening to (child 1) first. Then (child 2, child 3 etc.).”
This does two things:
It regulates your nervous system by reducing input
It teaches children how communication works in a calm system
You’re not ignoring anyone. You’re slowing the moment down so connection can happen and giving structure that your child can follow.
2. You’re juggling tasks and the requests keep coming
You’re cooking, folding laundry, answering questions, breaking up small conflicts. The asking never ends.
Instead of snapping, pause and name the reality:
“I’m doing too many things at once and my body feels overwhelmed.”
Then set a clear boundary with reassurance:
“I’m going to finish cutting these carrots and then I will help you with what you are needing. You’re not forgotten.”
For younger kids, add a visual cue:
A timer
A hand on your shoulder
A spot to sit and wait
This teaches patience without shaming the need for you.
3. One child interrupts while you’re helping another
This often triggers guilt and frustration at the same time.
Try:
“I hear you. I’m helping your sibling right now. Please wait beside me or put your hand on my arm. I will say your name when I am ready to hear what you need.”
If they escalate, remember: waiting is hard for developing brains.
Stay calm and steady:
“I know waiting is tough. I’m still here.”
The boundary stays. The connection stays.
4. You feel yourself about to yell
This is the moment to protect the relationship.
Say it out loud:
“I’m feeling really overwhelmed and I need a pause.”
Step back. Take one slow breath (count to 4 as you inhale and count to 8 as you exhale). Put your feet on the floor, . This will give you a quick nervous system grounding!
Then:
“I want to respond calmly, so I’m taking a minute.”
This models something powerful:
Awareness of feelings
Responsibility for behavior
Repair before rupture
Boundaries work best when they are calm, clear, and kind
A boundary isn’t:
Explaining endlessly
Yelling louder
Pushing feelings away
A boundary is:
Simple
Repeated
Grounded in regulation
Children don’t need perfect responses.
They need predictable ones.
What repair looks like after a hard moment
You will still yell, get overwhelmed, get dysregulated, and react in a way that doesn’t feel good. Everyone does. We are not calm and regulated all day everyday, we are parents and we are humans, and that is not the goal! The goal is to keep the relationship with you constant, which is what your child needs to feel safe!
Repair is what restores safety.
Later, when things are calm:
“That moment was really overwhelming for me. I raised my voice and I’m sorry.”
Then reconnect:
“I care about hearing you. Next time, we’ll slow it down together.”
Repair teaches children:
Relationships can stretch and recover
Big feelings don’t break connection
Safety lives in honesty, not perfection
The bigger picture
Holding boundaries with multiple kids isn’t about managing behavior.
It’s about managing nervous systems.
When you slow the moment down, name what’s happening, and lead with calm structure, you are teaching your children how to:
Communicate respectfully
Wait without panic
Trust that their needs matter
Feel safe in connection, even when it’s not their turn
That’s powerful work.
And it starts with you being allowed to have limits, too.
At Just Connect Counselling, we believe boundaries and connection aren’t opposites.
They are partners—working together to build safety, trust, and resilience for the whole family.
Connect with us today for support in becoming more grounded, capable and connected to yourself and your children!
